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[Monday
November 20th, 2006
8:16pm] |
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She looks at herself in the mirror
never has been, She never will be.
Nothing good about her can she see.
Your living a lie, girl.
the pieces of your life begin to unfurl.
You sleep around for sympathy
It's all about the ecstasy
that feeling of joy that rushes down your spine,
the moment your fingers begin to intertwine
What happens when the feelings dry?
Drops fall down your cheek as you begin to cry
What can you do to ease the pain?
The bottle, too, will eventually drain.
Leavin nothing but thoughts running through your head
"If only, this bullet would strike me dead"
With a click and a boom,
she falls to the ground.
Smile across her face, her breathing
S L O W L Y S T A R T S TO D R O W N
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| UPDATES |
[Monday
November 20th, 2006
8:03pm] |
I basically suck at life.
I pretty much have to drop out cause i missed too much days. i definately never wanted this, but thats what it comes down to in the long run. me sitting at home all the time, doing nothing. staying up to 4 Am, sleeping in till 3 pm. What a life. Lately, im such a loser it kills me to even look at myself in the mirror at times. What am i going to make of myself? a crappy 90 dollar paycheck a week, which over half ends up spent on some mind-altering substance. it's the only thing that makes me feel good. Once it hits you, you feel no pain. you feel like your on top of the world. Nothing can break you. Then it wears off, your at the lowest of the lows. and it leaves u wondering if you should just stay that way. False hopes. wasted tears. broken dreams. This is me in a nut shell.
My life has gone down the tubes. i notice it. my friends notice it. my family. I can't make it over a couple days sober, i lose my mind. I want to die, i get the point where i would do anything just to feel better. I fuck to feel no pain, then regret it the next day. Im the talk of the town. I got bitches after me for fuckn wit their boyfriends. people talkin mad shit. But you know what i do? I keep my head up. way in the clouds. i fake a smile. i pretend i'm alright. When deep down inside, i know im agreeing wit them all along. And there's nothing more then i would want, than to Stop this, all of this, for good.
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[Friday
October 13th, 2006
10:28am] |
So i definately never write in this thing anymore..
nothing much has changed. at this point in time i work at roms a couple days a week.. lately i been to much of a bum to go to skool, missed like 3 weeks in a row now.. duno wut im guna do wit that.. dont wana drop out but eh. idk. other then that i been sitting on my fat ass doing nothing too exciting. partying it up on the weekends like always... went to get my permit but they give u a eye test n i cant see far away so i went n ordered some glasses... wen they cum bak im going for my permit again.. which wil be friggen 4-6 weeks ah. so gay. but w/e. i can`t drive anyway. lol. hmm.
idk ill update later i guess.
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[Monday
July 24th, 2006
12:14am] |
i dont write in this shit ne more its prettyu gay if u ask me
all i gots to say is
I HATE THE ARMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >:0!!!
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[Friday
June 30th, 2006
1:34pm] |
tonight should be fucking awesomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
=D=]=]=]=]=]=]=]=D!!!!!!!!!
ill update later
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[Friday
June 23rd, 2006
12:58pm] |
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i have to go to summer school starting monday ahah how gay is that
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[Wednesday
June 21st, 2006
10:07am] |
SCHOOL`S OVER!!
I don`t want it to be....
this summer is going to suck. everyone`s leaving me.. im gona sit in the house n twiddle my thumbs all day hahahah
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[Sunday
June 18th, 2006
11:28pm] |
well tonight was freakin awesome.
Me n Schaniece hung out at freniers for a bit then she left n i stayed there
i had fun, ima leave it at that hahaha
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[Sunday
June 18th, 2006
11:09am] |
the woods party friday was interesting.. at first it was just me reid mayo tex mike n willy but then we ended up going up to another party. And being the only girl at a party is notthat fun lol. Some random kid offered me $40 to suck his friends dick lol it was out of control. I stayed sober most of the night though, that kinda sucked. Last night i went to carissas dads house and partied then later slept at becky`s house wit cody.. Bonin was there too. Interesting night... haha.
We have finals monday tuesday n wednesday.... Half days all week bitches. we get out wednesday. Thank god.
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[Thursday
June 15th, 2006
10:55pm] |
Soo shaun came over again tonight..
Tomorrow im sposta be going to a woods party i guess n saturday i may be going to mae's uncles house wit her to drink... hopefully. it`s been fuckin forever since i hung out wit mae .. nevermind drink wit her lol
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[Wednesday
June 14th, 2006
11:44pm] |
Soo last night i went to Freniers and had an awesome time..
Tyler left today...=[ I won`t get to see him for like 2 months man idk wut im gona do wit myself lol =\ Well i also hung out with shaun today and realized how much i missed the kid... i had fun wit him and def feel like the biggest asshole for all shit i put him through..
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[Saturday
June 10th, 2006
2:13am] |
So tonight i went to the movies wit Jeff petey n tyler... We went n saw the omen.. the movie wasn`t all that great.. in fact.. it kind of sucked.... but. i had lots of fun with Jeff=] And i can`t wait till Tyler`s party tomorrow it is going to be fucking AWESOME.
=] =] =] ♥
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[Wednesday
June 7th, 2006
5:54pm] |
Yessssss
this weekend is gonna be awesome.. Friday night i guess i`m going to the movies with Jeff petey & tyler then after we're going to his house to chill. Saturday night is gonna be tyler's going away party=[ It's gonna be fucking AWESOME though.
I can't wait. =D
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[Tuesday
June 6th, 2006
3:08pm] |
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I have a crush on someone! haha
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| SCORE! |
[Monday
June 5th, 2006
2:07am] |
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this weekend was fun. friday night i hung out with kaitlyn, petey, jeff mayo, jeff reid, tyler, and perry. Saturday i hung out with pretty much the same people it was awesome as fuck though. The whole time we were drinking/smoking/making out.. ohh yeah. lots of that. I had some fun With petey both those nights haha =]
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[Wednesday
May 31st, 2006
2:10pm] |
well my bday was on memorial day so i`m finally fucking 16!!! YYYEAHHHHH.
I had a party the day b4 my bday and got fucking wasted, kaitlyn ended up puking then standing up n she fell right in her puke hahah then we came in my rooom n she randomly pulls her pants down n squats over my trash can to piss in it lmao so i had to like caryy her downstairs pretty much.. then i randomly got wicked pissed and started crying cause my mom wouldnt bring kaitlyn home lmao [me+vodka=bad combination] so Veronica stayed up partying all night with my mom while i passed out hahah. nothing to exciting....
Last night i got FUCKED UP. i didn't even end up going to school cuz the room was still spinning when i woke up lol... i had like 12 beers, a perk, smoked a blunt + 2 bowls, did some yay... and man was i feeling nice by then end of the night hahaha
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[Saturday
May 13th, 2006
2:33pm] |
I just finally got my internet back on.
Alot of shit has happened in the time that i've had it off that i'm not gonna write in here.
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[Thursday
March 16th, 2006
7:16pm] |
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I'm gona die of liver failure by the time i hit 21 haha
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[Sunday
March 12th, 2006
12:52pm] |
Slept at tyler's sisters last night.
Quinn, jack, and Ben came over for a little too.
i drank almost a whole bottle of whiskey and didnt even get drunk, it sucked.
then me n tyler stayed up till 4 in the morning texting Quinn lol
So after 4 hours of sleep here i sit bored as shit...... fun.
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[Saturday
March 11th, 2006
2:53pm] |
hahah last night was carissas boyfriends bday party so me and kait stopped up there..
there was a bunch of drunk people and we were like the only sober ones there hahah so we bought some Jack and started drinking.. then at like 10 me kait crystal josh and this other kid walked to jason's house and stayed there for about an hour then my mom called freaking out so we had to come back.. but it was still fun.
Tonight I guess im drinking with Tyler.
Thats all i ever do sheesh. lol
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